Silence gives content

It seems we write the less when we are content. Although I will admit that I do not always feel there is sufficient time with my archangel, there is at least some time. And I trust I will not be told, in several years, that the association with me has prevented a full life.

Lark and Whimsy grow well and enjoy to do “experiments” with Noah. One of the latest was to explain calories, so they burned some food stuff in a saucer. Burnt sugar sets off the fire alarm.

Caprice works with the warrior queen; I am certain that later Avalon will write of it, as she does as well. There is not so much time for the blogging and in fact the warrior queen is fussing at me, but we work from home this day and I have seized a few moments for a break. At night we have been a little busy, but all will ease. Avalon and Caprice both grow tremendously.

Ahren explores new love-ground of a sort I admit is somewhat foreign to me. This eldest son of Magdalena’s surprises, and reminds me of San in many ways.

Anala has taken the divorce the hardest, I think. My little queen, she tilts from imperious to spitfire. I like it, but am wary of the source at times.

Aden, now that he is reunited with Maelynn, is such a child of the woods he makes me think of the fae. He begins to love story and listens whenever we read some.

Asher grows well, walks and begins to talk. He is different from Liam, but often they seem to grow together.

Yesterday we were at hospital most of the day with Liam. Like Noah, he does not submit to procedures easily. He is certain it is all an error, and when he was bound at the scanner (with velcro blankets, nothing of chains or ropes) he was content at first to explore with hands and eyes. But when he had done he used all his words and signs to communicate, and finally was angry, not submissive. Yet afterwards it was forgotten swiftly and he waved bye-bye with a smile to the technicians, and spent the time at home moving about in glee at the freedom. The transition to work is similar. When we return, he lets us know he was annoyed at not finding us. But within a few moments he is back to, as Lyria calls it, his baby-business.

Although it is early to say, I suspect he will take things a little lighter to heart than Noah. Noah grows inward a little. He has discovered that his own thoughts and perceptions may be private, and where six months before he told us every thing, now he mulls them over and emerges only with some of it. I feel it as a loss, although I know it is a sign of maturing, for I loved to hear all the little thoughts and concerns of the day. He is like his father in some ways, however: The more one presses the more he withdraws.

I find that this parenting is a deep joy and that I pay the attention to it above all else. It is a sea change but one I have welcomed and which now is nature to me. And yet beneath there is still the rest. I have read on a blog that perhaps depression is a time to lie fallow, to preserve fertility. I am nothing close to depressed, perhaps the least close I have ever been. But with my poems and my songs, with my art and my religion, I let it lie still a little. It is a winter for such things, but the spring will come.

As for Li and San and their system, I grieve deeply what I once thought we had. Their treatment of us still angers, but like most anger, it retreats once the stinger is removed from the skin. But I no longer look for aught from that quarter in any way. They chose their path. If it brings them the half of what I experience this day, then they will do well, and I am glad for them.

And thus I will have to think on what there is to be said. I would be a strange sort of blogger of children. I am a very poor poet these days. And as for love, I think happy lovers to be the least interesting sort. It is of infinite interest to me that Mikael likes the face of Maelynn when she, as he calls it, comes undone, or that I am glad to have placed a hot tub in the eyrie. But I cannot think it of interest to others.

But I will see, for I appreciate much reading the thoughts of others and to participate. And perhaps most of all I appreciate the record of my thoughts.

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About Jenn

Find me on Twitter @JennGruden
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