I have never regretted that I had no parents. As I was not a child, I did not require one.
Then I became a mother and I found a fierceness that was a surprise even to myself. It continues to surprise me.
Now that Caprice has spoken aloud, and thrown a gauntlet, the woman erases even the last trace of my children’s parent at all (although I am certain she continues elsewhere; it is her nature). While I cannot pretend to understand any of her ways, it seems a clear message. Why she continues to respond without responding, to react when she has said she does not care, I am not certain.
I presume this to be a final one. The children are besides themselves with grief, all of them in their own ways.
It is such an irony. Magdalena learned much from San, not least that she should not absent herself from Avalon nor from Ahren nor from her other children. And yet, he creates the worse wound. With Li, I am not certain we even took these things under our consideration. But I am certain that if Caprice had spoken in anger to me thus, he would have wished me to read it and to respond.
The warrior queen said, if any child of anyone’s wrote to you, would you ignore it? Even if you wondered whether it was true?
I have thought on this for some days. No, even I would not ignore it. Once, Morningstar permitted children to come to me, and I did not know what to do with them. Now I do.
I surprise myself with my response to all this. I have often thought better that Li be alive, and love others and such. But now I hope he is dead. Because if he is not dead, and treats our children thus, there is no response to have that I wish to encounter. So I will consider him dead, and the woman a very poor aunt.