I had posted this, and then thought better of it, and now I will post it again. I removed it because I have not decided, in my heart, what it is I believe. This is only one possibility.
A friend reminds me of when we killed the warrior queen (of course, she did not know of us). She says in some systems the front is able to cease everything. In other words, she would be generous with San. It is perhaps odd that she is an advocate for San, but then she has heard much of him over the years. It is good to be reminded, perhaps. And yet, there is this other answer.
I dislike the not knowing. But perhaps it is better than knowing the below is true.
I admit I am mildly surprised the woman is able to read the Black Jewels books. If something were to speak to San, I would think it would be that.
I am coming to understand that perhaps San did not mean his vows, nor his love. It is excruciatingly difficult. I suppose that was the lesson. He wished me to see my first lover as false. He must have been preparing me for this: to be told I was loved, to create Asher Daemon, and to leave me and our children with no discussion nor warning. I admire the technique. No other betrayal has ever come close to this in pain for me. It is a masterful stroke.
But nothing like Daemon Sadi. So perhaps that is why the books are meaningless.
As I write this I consider Sadi’s 5 years of madness. But of course it is not the same, I think. I had hoped. But that was before vows, before marriage.
Ah well, may he enjoy it, breaking the unbreakable.
Avalon has written of the Lake on the Mountain. So this is another reason I think on these things. What a fool I have been.