I do not often speak of my love of music, except to write lyrics here or share some music which others have written and performed and which I like.

At one time, I was thought moderately to reasonably talented, enough to take medals in competition and to be offered some money to study. It was difficult, to weave music through the iron bars which constrained all who share this body at that time. But also simpler, as we were young and had much time with which to indulge in passions, and fortunately pianos upon which to play and ones willing to pay for the lessons and drive to the concerts and such, although at the time I did not appreciate the need. Also, in this school, several choirs and orchestras and others who loved music and who gathered to play each other’s compositions. Ah I remember a boy…but I will write on that later.

For me in any case, it was a feast. I did not speak a language that might be understood, other than music. In truth I admit I found the others as people incomprehensible to me. But as musicians, there we came together.

I do not think I would have been famous, had I been able to persist and become a musician. I have some small talent and some hard work, but also I am very stubborn and would not have taken advice which would have been good for me. And of course, at that time, there was much unsaid and I had other goals.

When the warrior queen first returned after her death and understood some of the rituals we followed amongst ourselves, and was concerned for all in this body, she made an agreement with us that we would cease certain things for a period of time, and during that time we would have lessons on a guitar, which she also would purchase. We made the deal and it was good; I cannot say I am proficient in the guitar and certainly nothing like the piano, but I enjoyed it very much. And as she likely planned, once the time was over we had other reasons.

But for the most part there is little time to play and practice – some, but little – and over the years much has been lost.

I mourn it at times. As these children grow older I hope there will be more time for it. Just now this older son studies – he has a good ear, like his father, better than mine was at the start – and so if I begin to play he wishes to play. I enjoy to share it with him, but at times it is annoying to share.

It will never be, to be a singer on a stage all the nights and days. But for myself, it is always there to do.

And of course to listen is always possible. I admit at times when I find someone young and talented I feel a little wistful. And yet I listen. I hope when this body is very old someone will come to bring us word of new bands, of the young.


About Jenn

Find me on Twitter @JennGruden
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