Questions, answered

What (or who), if anything, brings you to your knees in submission or despair?
There are so many definitions of submission. To my knees, I suppose, implies an acceptance that was not there from the start and which remains reluctant and yet is not the same as merely enduring something. It is to accept the role. I can think of a few times. With my first lover, and in ritual.

I have submitted to the rules surrounding this body and marriage.

I have submitted to love a few times. I would say most recently with my archangel, but he predates, in a sense. I submitted to marriage with Li and with San.

In bed at times I will submit, but not in the manner of a submissive. Because I may turn at any second.

For despair, when I realized that my first lover was truly dead to us and would not return from the grave. When my second lover killed herself. When my daughter suffered, and when she died. Until I found the partial cure for Lyria. These were despairs to the knees.

For other despair: When I first began to speak as myself freely as multiple. When Morningstar walked into the desert. The waste of the good southern girl. When San did not come for Asher’s birth. When Avalon weeps. None of these, however, are on my knees.

What/who causes you to weep?
When my daughter died, I wept. When Lyria nearly followed her, I wept. I have wept in disgust from time to time, at myself. I have wept for San’s hands. I have wept for Lohr’s Easter. I have wept for Sassy’s kitten, and another of her experiences. Other moments as these, with lovers. I have been brought to tears of rage many times. San has made Magdalena weep a few times. I have wept in pleasure a few times.

What/who inspires/provokes passion?

All my lovers of course. Music is something I never tire of. I like all kinds, but a well-performed orchestral piece or concerto, particularly Tchaikovsky or Rachmaninoff, moves me. Religion, at times. Suffering and pain of certain kinds. To see someone truly, at a vulnerable moment, and even to hold the balance of that moment.

If you could build a hut would it be on a mountain top? Ocean side or forest? Why?

For a home, it would be forest. I am a denizen of the woods, occasionally building a gingerbread home.

For a vacation, I like the power of the ocean.

All these lists are incomplete.


About Jenn

Find me on Twitter @JennGruden
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4 Responses to Questions, answered

  1. sarah says:


  2. lynnsappho says:

    Did any surprise you?

  3. sarah says:

    No surprises and I do thank you for allowing these types of questions. Your words show you as a woman of strength and these answers reflect that as well. I know some folks would consider weeping as a weakness, but I do not. I see is as a sometimes necessary cleansing of the heart as well as an an appreciation of the world as we interact in it.
    I would ask, if I may, some clarification on why discussing your multiplicity brought despair.
    I have a huge fondness for classical music as it brings beautiful colors and shapes in my mind!

    • lynnsappho says:

      To begin the discussion was a failure and a retreat from what was expected. It was in a sense as though I had been sailing on a ship a long time, expecting to arrive in India. When the ship never set sail, finally I disembarked at Ellis Island, speaking no English, carrying no clothes for winter, reluctant to immigrate to the wrong continent.

      You are fortunate to have the colours and shapes; many do not. And I thank you for the compliment although I am not certain it is deserved.

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