I find this interesting, from this woman’s blog at Babble (it is in the comments, but from the author):
This is going to sound unfuckingbelievably cheesy, but by the end of my particular marital disaster I had lost all respect not only for him but for (oh god, kill me now) myself, in some fundamental way, as well. Everything just sucked. That’s why you cling to bitterness, to sniping, to bitchery, why you keep track of everything and are constantly trying to re-assess fault and blame and constantly engaging in psychic one-upmanship.
And the ex becomes a kind of cartoon, a parody of everything you despise.
I suppose it might explain some of what I do not understand in all this separation.
I think I understand bitter, but I find perhaps I do not. It is not in me to tear down lovers of the past in this way. I remember my first lover, Asta, Morningstar. And of course Lyria but she is never the past. I cannot think the lack of wormwood is innate. I suspect it is because of Lyria, in truth. She has many different views.