Dexter, continued

I have watched through episode 4 now, and I like it. Although I think Dexter not as monstrous as one might like. I see that he will be human in the end. Perhaps it is true for many of us.

In episode 4, he asks himself whether he is perhaps “a collection of learned behaviour.” I have asked this of myself. But it has been through love that I have concluded I am not. For certain there have been times I have responded through the lens of the past. But other times I have responded as myself, in the moment.

And then a third time I have learned to respond only as a wife. A different set of learned expectations. Always in the bed, for example. Li likes to lie in the bed where I would pace. They nap, these ones. We do not.

Perhaps I grow a little glad for this separation. I still hope it will end, but I too had become more silent than the average. I think I felt the weight of judgment over me, primarily Sassy’s judgment — not that I would not will it, for I love her as well, but her point of view has ever been black and white and I am a shade of grey. I had tired of explaining it.

I am saddened for her just now that she denies all this. I imagine it will serve her well in some aspects — again, the grey. But she loses as well. I am glad not to understand it. When I love, I love. None are forgotten. My songs remain. My children. This game.

In this way I like Dexter as well, as he saves his blood samples. He is meticulous. Little is lost.

I also like how this series goes back to the first kill. There is a power to firsts in this way. And I like that it was not so elegant. That too rings true.

Added: One thing I do not like, however, is in episode 4 he does not kill the man begging to die because Harry would not want it, and neither would Dexter. But I will tell you why I would not kill him. Because he was begging for it. It would be one thing to bring him to this point myself. But to walk in on a begging man is not attractive. There is no art or skill to it.

It is the same reason not to date someone who is desperate. It is one thing to bring a person to desperation through one’s own power. But to date someone who comes that way is not attractive.

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About Jenn

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2 Responses to Dexter, continued

  1. Lin says:

    It would be one thing to bring him to this point myself. But to walk in on a begging man is not attractive. There is no art or skill to it.

    Oh, Lady, this pleases me today.

    M.

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