Much pain

The warrior queen is in much pain today. I understand it.

She says to refuse to communicate at all makes her feel the way that she did when she came back from the dead. That no one knew she was gone. But this time it is more personal, and so it is worse. That all this time they have considered it unreal and so they may treat it like so much dust. And likely others encourage this, because they were not there and think it is merely the internet or what have you.

This question of reality is a difficult one. When one is multiple, one does not exist to many. That is one reason this particular method, this leaving and negating all, is so painful. I am glad she shared this with me. I think I feel it as well.

I still do not understand any of it. The sudden leaving, the continued silence. We do not know what was meant by this separation.

Sometimes I think they must be crazed, to do such a thing. I understand it for a few days; many are the times I have withdrawn. But always someone from our system has remained to answer questions. Always have I returned after a few days.

It is strange, to be treated thus by those one has allowed past the gates.


About Jenn

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2 Responses to Much pain

  1. Jeanne says:

    It is strange to us, too. I can’t help but wonder if something really big got triggered, that they suddenly vanished so completely from your lives with no discussion or conversation.

    I remember when Teresa tried to dump me (as it were) — and, well, *she* did, briefly, but the Warrior Queen was there, and Lyria, and other people, so that I understood it was just her and not the entire system. And it stemmed from her remembering things — I don’t know if you recall any of this? It probably isn’t that same, I don’t know San et al really at all, but I had mostly forgotten it all and remembered it just now reading this post.

  2. lynnsappho says:

    I recall it. I think in this case perhaps it is more related to suffering, but I am not certain. A rush of emotion more than memory.

    And perhaps it is that some are not liked. But not between me and mine I do not think.

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