Under my skin

Dear Lynn,
Okay, my relationship is over. I accept that you cannot have one with someone who doesn’t want you. But I didn’t want it to end and now I can’t get him out of my mind! What should I do?
signed, I’ve got him under my skin

Dear Under the Skin,
It is a shame that forensic science has progressed to the point that murder is generally ill-advised. If you are wealthy and have reliable connections to competent assassins, you might have him slain. In this way you will know the possibility of dating no longer exists. (And sex only if you enjoy necrophilia, but be advised the same warning applies where forensic science is concerned.)

Although likely you would not write to me were you wealthy enough to afford an assassin, as you would seek a therapist, I raise the possibility not only as a course of action but to make a point.

The advantage of death is that you still mourn, but there is no thread of possibility of return to confuse your heart and senses. For mourn you likely must. Whether dead or not, it is over. For some mourning involves sweet foodstuffs and movies with friends. (I recommend Se7en.) For others it may involve finding a voudoun practitioner well skilled in curses and aiding in their midnight ritual.

Whichever you prefer, it is important that you take this time to grieve and feel the end of it. Remember two things:

1) If you intend to extract revenge, it is worth the cost of an intermediary. Exacting revenge yourself is perceived as desperation and may lower your attractiveness to future lovers, at least those who fail to appreciate a partner who enjoys carving runes in flesh. But outsourcing revenge is the act of a powerful leader. Witness the wars fought over love.

2) There is more to life than romance. So after you have indulged in your feelings, take the time to rediscover your own interests. It may be that you have neglected your collection of occult objects (although I caution you against shopping to enhance your feelings; it creates a burden of debt that remains a tie to the failed romance), or perhaps there is a lesser demon you have not called of late. Be warned that grief dulls the mind, so ensure the pentagram is truly closed.

A final note: If you mean he is literally under the skin, a knife will suffice unless you consumed him. In the case of the latter, time will ensure that he passes from you.



About Jenn

Find me on Twitter @JennGruden
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2 Responses to Under my skin

  1. Jeanne says:

    This is one of the most awesome things I have read EVER.

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